COMMENT | Reading and learning about our nation’s history has led my curiosity to read about the political leader that shaped the nation. If we want to know why something is the way it is now, then we have to look and research the past events that happened. This will help us understand and give us a nuanced perspective. Being resourceful and knowledgeable will help us to learn and understand better.

I started researching and reading about our political leaders but these type of books are a very rare find in the ‘Death Row’ library. I tried asking if there were any books about our leaders. The answer, however, that was given by the prison officers was, “Who would want to read those kind of books here on death row? Haha, no la, we don’t have.”

I got my family to print the PDF version of books from the Internet as they would be more recent than books of such nature could be inside the prison. I managed to read about Nelson Mandela, a modern peacemaker who ended the apartheid regime in South Africa, the Princess of Wales, Diana, known to be the princess of the peoples' heart, about the Mongolian empire and Genghis Khan, about Cleopatra, Julius Caesar, the Roman Empire and Alexander the Great.

The most interesting, relatable, intellectual and analytical read for me thus far was about our current Prime Minister Dr Mahathir Mohamad and one of the world longest-serving prime minister, Lee Kuan Yew, Singapore’s ex-prime minister back then.

Mahathir was born in 1925 in the town of Alor Setar. His father, Mohamad Iskandar has had the greatest influence on him, in his early days. Tun was brought up to be very orthodox, disciplined and very oriented towards education and knowledge.

Mahathir has placed our nation on the map of the world. As I was growing up till the end of my schooling days, I remembered always hearing his name, seeing his photo everywhere but as a young child, I did not realise how pivotal he was and where Malaysia would have been without a leader like him. 

Reading about his childhood and the adversities and challenges that he had faced then, I realised that the children and teens today should be grateful for the peace of this nation, the environmental attitude towards education, the economic development and many other aspects. 

There will always be room for improvement but we should not close our eyes to stop acknowledging the progress we’ve made too.

When I read more about Tun, I came to know that in January 1989, he had a heart attack. The doctors told him that he would have to undergo open-heart surgery and multiple coronary bypasses. I felt sad. Even though the incident happened a long time ago, I prayed and thanked God for keeping Mahathir safe then, now and in the coming days.

I feel grateful now to know that on the night prior to the surgery, Singapore’s then prime minister, Lee Kuan Yew called Tun to tell him that he was aware of Tun’s current condition and suggested to him to contact Dr Victor Chang of Australia, a world-renowned heart surgeon.

When Tun called the hospital, the preparation for surgery had already begun. He called Mr Lee to say that it was too late but the prime minister of Singapore offered to fly Chang, who had performed over a thousand heart surgeries, to Kuala Lumpur and his government would bear all the costs. Tun’s family later replied that they were going along with Mahathir’s wish to have a Malaysian surgeon carry out the operation. Lee then told the family that he would pray and said that he was worried. “I don’t want to lose a friend," he said.

I got to know about Mahathir even more and all his efforts to develop our country, then and now, and how he tackled the 1997 economic recession and as a spokesperson of Third World countries and his aspiration for a better world. Under his leadership, before and till June 1997, Malaysia was the second most competitive country in the world with the US in first place, Singapore third and  Luxembourg fourth.

All of this and many more of Mahathir’s effort and sacrifice for the country changed my mind and the way I viewed the world and the most profound of all, had implanted in me and even stronger love and patriotic spirit for our country.

Once I’ve realised all this, deep in my heart, when I hear our country’s national anthem “Negara Ku”, without even realising it, I shed tears. I have never felt something like this before, it’s too deep. I feel a strong sense of responsibility towards our country and our people and society. Since then, there’s a voice in my heart that always encourages me in the darkest of times, saying, “Aku Anak Malaysia”.

It’s been five years now since I’ve been incarcerated. I miss our country. Just being able to see our country’s flag will give me a strength to not give up nor lose hope. I want to return back to Malaysia, to the land I was born and raised, to the country that I will always carry in my heart until the end of my life. It doesn’t matter how many years it takes, I just want to come back home.

When all of these thoughts were going on inside my mind, while I was alone in my jail cell, May 9, 2018, came. On that fateful day, Pakatan Harapan won the 14th general election in Malaysia. For the first time in 61 years, BN got ousted and after 15 years, at the age of 93, our Tun returned back to power as the world’s oldest prime minister. 

Along the death row cellblocks, there were cries of joy, “Mahathir is back!" All the inmates of death row were happy just to hear Mahathir’s name. The "Father of Modernisation" is back.

Mahathir has once again placed Malaysia on the map of the world, he signifies a newfound hope for Malaysians and Malaysia. I’ve realised how important he is, knowing what I do about him. He is an enigma, baffling to both his detractors and supporters alike. I pray for the success of Harapan in the coming years.

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P PANNIR SELVAM is a Malaysian citizen on death row in Singapore. The above was written by him in prison. It was passed to his family and edited for structure and grammar. The original notes can be seen at savepannir.info.

The views expressed here are those of the author/contributor and do not necessarily represent the views of Malaysiakini.