LETTER | While waiting for an event to start in my organisation, a friend of mine received a phone call from her five-year-old daughter.
She briefly accepted the call and entertained her daughter’s queries. At the end of the call, I overheard the daughter say, “Love you, Mummy”.
This conversation might be normal to some families, but not so to other families. Nonetheless, parents should educate their children on good sayings and positive manners as early as possible.
Mannerism is often the unspoken language of society. It is a complex interplay of cultural values, historical influences, and individual upbringing.
There are multifaceted manners across various domains from dining, communication, respect for elders, and public behaviour. Examining these areas can gain a deeper understanding of the cultural nuances that shape our interactions and the role of parents in transmitting these values to the next generation.
A reflection of one’s inner character
In the tapestry of human civilisation, manners have been accorded paramount importance. They are the lubricant that smoothens the wheels of social interaction, fostering understanding, cooperation, and mutual respect.
Good manners are not merely a veneer of politeness but a reflection of one’s inner character. They demonstrate a consideration for others, an ability to empathise, and a commitment to creating a harmonious environment.
Parents, as the primary architects of a child’s personality, bear the immense responsibility of imparting good manners. They are the first role models, whose actions and words shape a child’s understanding of the world.
By demonstrating respect, courtesy, and empathy in their own lives, parents create a conducive environment for their children to learn and internalise these values. Moreover, explicit teaching, through verbal instruction, storytelling, and role-playing, reinforces the importance of manners.
Asian cultures, for instance, renowned for their emphasis on collectivism and harmony, place a strong emphasis on manners. Countries like Indonesia, Malaysia, China, and Japan have rich traditions of etiquette, deeply ingrained in their social fabric.
In Indonesia and Malaysia, the concept of adat, encompassing customs and traditions, includes a strong emphasis on respect for elders, politeness, and hospitality. I still remember during my childhood that we were taught to greet elders with folded hands, use polite language, and offer assistance to those in need.
Similarly, in China, Confucianism has shaped societal values, emphasising filial piety, respect for authority, and harmonious relationships. Children are taught to address elders with honorific titles, use polite language, and avoid causing embarrassment or inconvenience to others.
Japan, with its intricate system of etiquette known as reigi, places great emphasis on respect, humility, and harmony. Children learn to bow appropriately, use honorific language, and adhere to strict social norms.
Asian collectivism vs Western individualism
In contrast, Western cultures, often characterised by individualism and directness, have a more relaxed approach to manners. While politeness is valued, emphasis is placed on individual rights and self-expression.
In the United States, for example, manners are often seen as a tool for social advancement rather than an intrinsic part of one’s character. While children are taught to say “please” and “thank you”, there is less emphasis on formal etiquette and deference to elders.
Similarly, in European countries like the UK, Germany, and Holland, while good manners are appreciated, there is a greater emphasis on personal autonomy and assertiveness.
Children are encouraged to express their opinions and stand up for their rights, which can sometimes be perceived as less deferential to authority.
The differences between Eastern and Western practical manners can be seen in daily life. For example, dining is a fundamental human experience, and table manners offer a window into cultural norms.
In many Asian cultures, sharing food is a central aspect of dining, reflecting the collectivist values of these societies. The use of chopsticks, requiring dexterity and coordination, symbolises harmony and balance.
In contrast, Western cultures, with their emphasis on individualism, often prioritise personal plates and utensils. While both East and West value politeness and cleanliness, the specific expressions of these values differ. For instance, slurping noodles in Japan is considered a compliment to the chef, whereas in Western cultures it is often seen as impolite.
In terms of communication, Eastern cultures, particularly those influenced by Confucianism, tend to prioritise indirect communication, emphasising harmony and avoiding conflict. This is reflected in the use of polite language, honorifics, and nuanced body language.
Western cultures, on the other hand, often value directness and assertiveness. While politeness is valued, there is a greater emphasis on expressing one’s opinions openly. These differences in communication style can lead to misunderstandings if not understood and appreciated.
Respect for elders
Moreover, respect for elders is a universal value, but the specific expressions of this respect vary widely. In many Asian cultures, filial piety is a fundamental principle, emphasising obedience, care, and deference to older generations. This is reflected in language, behaviour, and family structure.
Western cultures also value respect for elders, but the emphasis is often on independence and autonomy. While children are expected to be respectful, the level of deference is generally less pronounced.
However, it is essential to avoid generalisations. Within each culture, there is a diversity of perspectives and practices. Moreover, globalisation has led to a blending of cultural influences, blurring the lines between East and West.
Many Asian countries are experiencing a shift towards more individualistic values, while some Western countries are witnessing a resurgence of interest in traditional etiquette.
While the emphasis on manners may vary across cultures, the underlying principles remain universal. Respect, empathy, and consideration for others are fundamental to harmonious human interaction.
Parents, regardless of their cultural background, have a crucial role to play in instilling these values in their children. By creating a nurturing environment, setting a positive example, and providing explicit instruction, parents can equip their children with the tools they need to navigate the complexities of social life.
The views expressed here are those of the author/contributor and do not necessarily represent the views of Malaysiakini.
