It is certainly disgusting to read about the father torturing a young helpless child in ‘Mother might be granted temporary custody of battered girl’ . ( The Star , June 30)
Parents who abuse their children for whatever reason are monsters where harsh punishments are the only way to ensure the perpetrator know the severity of the crime.
In the reported case, the child abuse is the direct result of from their failed marriage where the father takes out the frustration on the poor innocent child who has nothing to do with their divorce as reported in ‘Biological mum says it was a condition to her divorce’ . ( The Star , June 30)
It is likely that the child would have also suffered mental abuse for long periods of time which do not leave any visible scars but would have a deep mental impact on the child’s well-being.
When physical abuse starts, then the child would have been so severely traumatised that life will never be normal.
It is plain wrong to use children as a pawn and a bargaining chip in any divorce matters. It is heartless to make children choose sides when it is only right that both parent find ways to make the divorce less of a bitter experience for the child.
The father who is in the domineering position made the child suffer thus the appropriate punishment must be jail time and several strokes of the cane. Obviously some parents need to see the inside of a prison before realising their wrongdoings.
Such reported cases are just the tip of the iceberg as there could be many more unreported incidents, especially with regard to mental abuse but limited physical abuse.
In likely circumstances, child custody rights goes to the mother while the father has visitation rights.
In a bitter divorce, the father who does not get custody takes out his narcissist personality against the child to the point of repeating untrue and over-exaggerated stories on how bad the mother is to make the child hate the other parent.
It is further detrimental to the child’s rights if the separation agreement is lopsided where the mother getting custody of the child has to waive alimony and child maintenance before the father agrees to sign an ‘amicable’ divorce agreement.
Lucky the child maintenance clause is non-binding on the child as the child cannot be the party to waive the rights to his or her own maintenance, but the poor mother has to sue the father for child maintenance thus incurring time, court costs and further mental anguish and emotional distress if the father challenges the case and continues to tell unsubstantiated defamatory stories during the court proceedings.
Abuse may continue right into adulthood
Some child abuse cases from divorced parents also continue their abusive ways even right into adulthood by demanding that the child continue to give in to the parent’s whims and demands.
When the parent mistreats the child for many decades, how can the child know how to handle the ageing parent who continues to find fault with the child and continues to blame the child for every wrongdoing, whether it is real or imagined?
There are some abusive parents who continue to blame the child for whatever bad thing that happens to them, even those out of their control and very remote. Such mental abuse does have a detrimental effect on the child who are mentally not strong and gives in to the point of agreeing that the the pathetic circumstances of the parent is the child’s fault. That way, the abusive parent can exercise further control of the child, making him or her akin to a slave.
The abusive parent continue to show no mercy, taking advantage of the child’s forgiving nature. An example is the abusive parent after pretending to ask for reconciliation and seek forgiveness from the child, then moves into the child’s residence, and not long after continues the abusive way making the child’s life a living hell in his or her own house.
What happens one day the child decides to retaliate and say enough is enough? This would certainly turn a relationship without foundation even worse and may result in undesirable actions between the child and parent, like the parent physically assaulting the child or or worse, commit murder.
Amendments to the Child Act are the way forward to ensure children are protected from monster parents but there must also be reforms of the Penal Code to deal with abusive parents. In Sweden, it is a crime to cane the child, where a Malaysian couple was jailed and made to pay compensation when found guilty. ‘Swedish court finds Malaysian couple guilty of hurting children, metes out jail sentence’ ( The Star , March 28, 2014)
As such, our Penal Code needs to be reviewed to make it ‘easier’ for children to seek justice against abusive parents and seek compensation for all the years of wrongdoings by stripping all parenthood rights and have the weight of the law fully on the child’s side.
Estoppel principle
Such a review would include the Estoppel principle to force the abusive parents to behave properly, where this is also applicable to children in adulthood, especially when the abusive parent continue to imposes their abusive ways.
Even when the child is already adult, the child must still retain the right to seek redress from the perpetrators when the laws are comprehensively strengthened in favour of the child’s voice. An example is having children testify in court where their statements carry weight that outrank the abusive parent.
As child abuse is criminal in nature, there is no statutory time limit for an aggrieved child to report the abusive parents even though the child may be an adult but still have the right to seek justice.
Such a draconian amendment to the Penal Code which includes jailing abusive parents, fining them and paying compensation to the child will act as an effective deterrent against abusive parents.
