COMMENT | On our way to a temple in Kuala Lumpur, I ask Mum, “Why are you so Chinese?” She said our ancestral Chinese culture must be preserved because it’s always been part of our identity.

I asked, “Why should we follow if we don’t even know what we’re doing most of the time?” She said it’s been passed on for generations, so we must follow. I got mad, and our quarrel reached a high intensity. I told her that I’ll not continue going to temples when it’s my turn. She was mad and stopped talking to me.

The temple was red, white, and gold. Statues of different Gods were placed above all mortals: the calm and merciful Guan Yin in white, the fiercely loyal warrior Guan Gong in red, the bald and plump Smiling Buddha in gold.

You can smell the smoke at the temple from a distance: our eyes pinched, our nose blocked. Mum passed me 15 joss sticks for prayers, I refused. I told her I’m not going to do anything that doesn’t make sense. The smoke from the temple made my eyes sore, and my clothes smelled like burnt charcoal.

I said: “Do you even know this is Taoism and not Buddhism?” She replied: “Just pray, your Ah Ma isn’t getting any better.”

Ah Ma is my grandmother, and her sickness is indeed getting worse. She is now in a wheelchair, face pale, and hardly managing a word. But I walk away, telling her that this will not help Ah Ma in any way.

Alone with Ah Ma

That evening, I was alone with Ah Ma. She yelled for me. “Take me back home now!” she said. I told her that her home in Ipoh was too far away, and no one could look after her there, so she had best stay here.

She said: “I don’t care, I want to go back now.” I told her there is no car anyway. She told me she’ll use her ‘lousy car’ to go, and pointed to her wheelchair.

“But the wheelchair can’t go on the highway, Ah Ma,” I said. She said it can. I explained many times that the wheelchair can’t take her to Ipoh - we need a car. But she insisted that she could, and she must go back now.

This exchange carried on for three hours. I finally realised that she was hallucinating. As the days went by, her body degenerated, her mind weakened. Basic human functions became Herculean challenges...