COMMENT | In September 1998, when Dr Mahathir Mohamad launched his vendetta against Anwar Ibrahim, his erstwhile ally turned political foe, we thought we had no reason to worry because we had never gotten involved in politics.

We had chosen the safe multicultural haven of Malaysia as the place to raise and educate our children, and we had been leading a peaceful life for a decade.

The tragedy that was visited upon my family, on Sept 14, 1998 in Kuala Lumpur, dragged me into those very political games that I had always tried to avoid. My husband, Dr Munawar A Anees, was arbitrarily arrested that morning, thrown into the infamous jails of Bukit Aman and tortured.

I could not understand: why my husband, why us? To my horror and dismay, I would soon wake up to the reality that we were being used as mere pawns on the nationwide political chessboard unfolding at the time.

Our “crime” was that of being close enough to Anwar, but mainly it was that of being foreigners, thus vulnerable and disposable in these sick political manoeuvrings.

We became “collateral damage”. No matter if families are torn apart, lives and dreams shattered, children traumatised, as long as one party takes over the other party in these ruthless power struggles.

Only a few people, who stood by me until the day I left Kuala Lumpur in January 1999, know the fight I had to put up to save my husband and children from that grinding machine. I will always be grateful for their virtuousness and generosity.

Twenty years later, sitting in my office in Paris, I discovered the news that Mahathir had just been re-elected as prime minister of Malaysia, Anwar Ibrahim was to be pardoned and Dr Azizah Wan Ismail was the deputy prime minister. What a twist of fate!

I am happy for them. Anwar finally made it at age 71. Together with my husband, we send them our heartfelt congratulations. With this pardon, Anwar's slate is wiped clean, heralding a new era in Malaysia. How commendable!

However, weeks later, as I am jotting these words down, I am still waiting for any sort of acknowledgement of the message of congratulations. How naive of me to hope for one. I think I got carried away by the euphoria, forgetting that we were only collateral damage.

Yet, this “collateral damage” is now asking for recognition. When will our pardon come? When will my husband’s slate be wiped clean? When will Malaysia pay its debt towards my husband and my children?

We had adopted Malaysia as ours, but we paid the price with our lives and tears, in a political duel that was never ours. It seems that the politicians of this country are intent on reminding us that we are not her children – that we never have been.

Eid-ul-Fitr has come and gone. “Maaf zahir dan batin” used to be on all the cards we received and on everyone’s lips. I believed, at the time, that this was the Malaysian way. In 1998, however, it was sorely lacking.

Has Malaysia found its way again? Will “maaf zahir dan batin” translate into justice for all? We are still waiting to see.

FATIMA BELHADI is the wife of Dr Munawar Anees and fought for the release of her husband from jail.

The views expressed here are those of the author/contributor and do not necessarily represent the views of Malaysiakini.