I was greatly disturbed after reading about Prime Minister Abdullah Ahmad Badawi's announcement recently that starting next year, public listed firms must disclose their employment composition by race.

If this move was aimed at increasing the number of bumiputeras employed in the private sector, I foresee turbulent times ahead for Indian Malaysian women. This will shrink the Indian quota in public-listed companies and Indian men will be employed instead of women to fill in the vacancies in these establishments.

As it is, we are highly discriminated in locally-owned private companies which readily hire Indian women only as cleaners and 'tea ladies'. Those employed for other positions are there to make-up the racial composition and are more often than not discriminated against in terms of remuneration and opportunities within the company.

And if you are conservative and traditional in your appearance, the discrimination only intensifies.

I know this for a fact because as a buxom forty-something year-old Indian woman, I have received little opportunities in the public-listed company that I work. To make matters worse, I am conservative and very 'Indian' in looks - this worsens my lot even though I am progressive in thinking, farsighted and innovative.

My employers also expect me to be submissive and I am prevented from being a go-getter like other women colleagues even though I have proven more than once that I can deliver well.

Whatever little opportunities made available to Indians in my company go to my Indian male colleagues regardless of whether they can do the job well or not.

So if the private sector is forced to take in more bumiputeras, we Indian women will be the ultimate victims. Most public-listed companies are Chinese-owned and therefore employers will ensure that the number of Chinese employees in the organisation is maintained.

I do not blame them as they are merely protecting their community's interest due to the country's highly discriminative bumiputera-centric policies. I am sure that local Indian public-listed companies would do the same but unfortunately, due to the community's fetish for medicine, law and engineering, public-listed companies within the community are scarce.

I am not a racist and I hate myself for thinking this way, but sadly this is the stark reality that faces us today. Doesn't the government owe us a duty of care as well? Not a day goes by now without me kicking myself for not packing up and emigrating to other countries, like many of my friends, when I was still young and without baggage.

I am indeed a fool for having believed that my place is where my heart is - my motherland Malaysia.