Had we just woken up from a century-long slumber, we might believe the latest-est tall tale from Malaysia’s deputy prime minister, Ahmad Zahid Hamid, about an imagined (his imagination) family somewhere in the Middle East comprising not only over-productive walking mints but also accomplished seers.

‘Over-productive', because they mint billions upon billions to - hmm! - ‘donate' to several countries.

I said latest-est because it was like only minutes ago that Zahid said the celebrated non-donation donation of a staggering US$680,999,986 was made as the Arabs wanted his party Umno to continue to rule.

Now he’s said the imagined family made the - ahem! - ‘donation’ to Malaysia’s prime minister, Najib Abdul Razak, in appreciation of Malaysia’s fight against IS.

That is a blatant lie.

The celebrated non-donation donation was made in March 2013.

IS came into existence only a month later, in April 2013.

The imagined family could only have known that the barbarous entity would materialise if its members were seers.

Even the American-led coalition was constituted to mount air strikes against IS only more than a year later, in August 2014.

But more importantly, Najib was reported in late June 2014 to have exhorted Umno members to emulate the IS.

That is support - support! - and most certainly not opposition.

How is it that the seers did not divine that?

Answer: Because the family comprises not even one seer. In fact, there is no such family. The family is nothing more than a figment of Zahid’s infertile imagination.

How is it that Zahid has clearly forgotten Najib’s exhortation?

Answer: Because he has been telling so many lies that his head is overflowing with them and Najib’s exhortation has been displaced.

Nothing more than a bunch of conspirators

You and I know that the ‘family’ is in actuality nothing more than a bunch comprising some Arabs, Malays and Chinese who conspired together to milk billions off the suffering, hardworking Malaysians.

Indeed, until to date, Malaysia has not sent one single troop and never mind a jet fighter to the Middle East to blast IS out of existence.

The only Malaysians who have gone there were wild-eyed male Muslim fanatics and the female ones intent on becoming sex slaves. And they went not as representatives of Malaysia but as private individuals.

And on the contrary, some IS fellows seem to have intruded into Malaysia instead.

And this Zahid fellow could have the audacity to make his incredible pronouncement publicly. It boggles the imagination.

To those big guns and other guns of some discernible sizes in Umno, telling lies - and not to forget, spinning and backtracking as well - is clearly as natural as breathing.

If we will recall, their Langkawi Wanita Umno leader Anina Saaduddin caused a sensation a fortnight ago with her pronouncement that Najib was overly fond of passing water on she and her fellow Umno members. Three million of them.

But we know only too well that Najib has been passing water on everyone else, too. Some 27 million people.

In Malaysia, that is. He surely must have passed water on Barrack Obama, David Cameron and thousands, if not millions, of others as well.

And, obviously, Zahid is no different.

You know what? They remind me of my dogs. But only and only in relation to the act of expelling liquid wastes.

Adult male dogs ‘mark’ their territories by squirting some urine onto something such as a clump of grass, a plant, a rock or whatever. Obviously, they don’t pee on one object but on several. My dogs do that when I take them out for their exercise.

But by all counts, my dogs are far better than they are.

Because, for one, my dogs have a feeling of shame. If they have done something I disapprove of and I communicate to them my displeasure mentally (I don’t shout at any of my dogs), they would lower their heads and avert their eyes as a sign of feeling shame and contriteness.

Zahid and Najib are completely devoid of that feeling.

I’ll tell you, this ‘mark’ of Zahid's really stinks of foul falsity.